I have demons in me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize