sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
