Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
