he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nutella sex= disaster
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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