dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All the doctor said was why
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
