I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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