drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
