A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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