I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
