remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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