Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
