Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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