Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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