im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
