when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
