Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
