apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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