When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
