can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
