Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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