does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
