My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
