If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's Friday. Sex?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
