in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize