You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
