so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
how drunk are you?
Several
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
