girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize