Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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