Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
