i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
