Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
