btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
