Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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