we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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