Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
