If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
