thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
