Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
