dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
