i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
