why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
