Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
