Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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