After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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