Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
