In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
