I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
