I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize