All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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