My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
