I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
