the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
