It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
