You really coming over, don't trick.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
