My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
