you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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