One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
