The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
