I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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