Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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