She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
