so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
