she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
