Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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