Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
