You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize