I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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