In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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