your parents love me but you hate me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
