My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize