Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
