I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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