So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
