So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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