so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
