we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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