why didn't you poke me back
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
