Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
